Psalm 139.

"For You formed me in my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in Your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me..."- Psalm 139:13-16a

This is going to be a very raw, not thought-out post. It comes directly from a pregnant momma's heart. In the beginning of this pregnancy, I found myself so convinced of God's sovereignty and plan in it all. I was completely comfortable with my "out of controlness" in our pregnancy and in the future He had planned for us. But as days turned to weeks and weeks have turned to months, anxiety has creeped in as it sneakily can. I found myself weeping when we hit "the week of viability". Weeping because I was so grateful; and weeping because the closer it gets to our due date, the more desperately I want healthy, fully developed little ones. You see, I had gone from "whatever You will" to frantically trying to grab onto what I wanted the story to look like. The problem in that, as we all know, is that there is no way of knowing the different chapters of the story. Beyond that, the story is not about you, is not about me, and is not about these sweet baby girls. The story is about Him. And as His child, I must trust that He works ALL things together for good. That I may not know or get all the details of the plan, and that seemingly hard times may arise, but that He is still wholly good. As I was meditating on Psalm 139 (which my amazing, God-fearing husband is memorizing during this pregnancy might I add), God spoke so many truths to me through the different portions of the scripture. I pray He uses those realities to speak into your life tonight as well.

"For You formed me in my inward parts, You knitted me together in my mother's womb..."- Simple enough. He formed us. Each and every one of us. In the midst of our sin, in the midst of our disabilities, problems, and disillusions, He formed us. We did not form ourselves (nor one another) so who are we to question anything about how we or others were made?

"I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well."- Purely stated, not only did He state, "It is good" as He was knitting each of us together, our souls, the depths of who we are, knows that truth. At the core of who you and I are, we are aware that there is beauty in each and every one of us. Why? Because of the One who fearfully and wonderfully created us.

"My frame was not hidden from You, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth..."- I am just SO ready to see these girls. To meet them, to look at their precious little fingers and toes...He is RIGHT THERE with them as they are being created BY HIM. There is so much that is still "secret" to Hugh and I about our daughters; but He is intimately with them already.

"Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in Your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me..."- He knew each of us before we were a thought or possibility in others' minds. He already knows each and every day of the lives of our unborn children because He determined them long ago.

As He gently reminded me of these truths tonight, the Lord whispered to my heart, "If this is all true, don't you think you can trust my heart and my plans for the daughters I have entrusted to your family? If I am the One who thought of them, who thought of you, before the beginning of time, and if I am the One who has been knitting them together so delicately in your very womb, aren't I to be trusted with every detail of their future?" YES, Lord. You absolutely are. So, my friends, whether I meet my little girls tomorrow or 10 weeks from now... He is in charge. And that is GOOD news.

 

THE Sacrifice.

As we were worshipping in church on Sunday, the line of the song said, "You are the sacrifice, Jesus Son of God". I have praised the Lord through these words many times, but it hit me on a different level on Sunday. So often, it does feel like I am the one making the sacrifices in this faith journey. While that sounds prideful, it is just real. It is easy to look around at those who aren't giving their time, money, and energy toward the Gospel and think that they have it easy. Don't get me wrong, many days and seasons I am more than aware that He is the only one that satisfies, the only abundant and fulfilling way to life. Deep inside my soul, I know this truth. But to be authentic (and I believe that is what we are called to be) it is not always that way. Some days, I would rather spend the money the Lord has given us on selfish things, on temporary things. Many days, I find it easier to check my facebook account than "log-in" to God's throne and His word. This is just the sinfulness and waywardness of who I am in my flesh. As I listened to the words of that particular song on Sunday, however, I realized something: Jesus, You are THE Sacrifice. You came down to earth (when you did not have to) to give your perfect Self for imperfect humanity (who would spend many moments not only not thanking You; but often denying You all together). That makes Him THE Sacrifice. What could I ever give up that possibly trumps that? Even if I gave up my life here on earth, my track record is no where near perfect aside from Christ, and what I would be giving up would not even come close to Him giving up His life. Plus, He has offered us all ETERNAL life, so giving up my temporary life is not even that much of a sacrifice in light of the Gospel. Acts 17:24-25 says this:

"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And He is not served by human hands, as if He needed anything, because He Himself gives all men life and breath and everything else."

What sacrifice could I possibly think I'm making in light of this? In light of what His sacrifice has offered me, offered us, from now until forever?!

David Livingston, a missionary in Africa during the 1800s, seemed to grasp this truth. When asked about the sacrifices that he had made by choosing a life in Africa he would always respond, "I never made a sacrifice. We ought not to talk of "sacrifice" when we remember the great sacrifice which He made who left His Father's throne on high to give Himself for us."

As Gospel-believing Christians, we know this truth in our heads, but do we truly hold on to it in our day to day living? Brothers and sisters, He IS the Sacrifice. He already sacrificed it all. Anything we seemingly give up on this earth is only a grain of sand in comparison to what He offers us both now and always. Let's offer Him up a gift of gratitude and praise today for the privilege of being able to serve Him with our lives.